German Men and Romance: Everything You Need to Know

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German men will likely never flirt with you as an Italian would. Nor will they shower you with romance as the French would. Romance in Germany is more subtle.

It’s like an onion, exposing itself one layer at a time instead of all at once, but no less flavorful.

In my 20s I would have considered dating a German guy boring. In my 30s it became sexy. So much so that I had a 9 1/2 year relationship with one. 

what you need to know about dating German men

So what’s it really like dating a German guy?

When a German guy says he’ll call, he’ll call.

If he likes you, he may even call the next day.  Germans have rules for almost everything. But apparently waiting two days to call so that he doesn’t appear desperate is not one of them.

Be forewarned; he’ll call because he promised he would. It’s not necessarily because he likes you.

He may just be calling you to inform you that he doesn’t like you, and doesn’t want to see you again. But he promised he’d call, so he is.  (This has happened to dozens of friends of mine in Munich.)

German Guys Will Be On Time When They Meet You for a Date.

what it's like to date a German guy

Germans are sticklers for being on time. If you agree to meet at a restaurant at 8:00, he will be there waiting at 7:59 and not keep you waiting.  On the flip side, he expects the same of you. So be on time.

There’s no playing “will he show, or not show” games with German men. If he says he’ll be there, he will. You won’t have to worry about trying to convince the waiter that your date is only running an hour late.

Your German Guy Will Want to Go on Vacation Together

Most Germans love to travel, and they have a lot of holidays compared to North Americans.  If he likes you, he will want to include you in those travel plans. He may even do all the research and pre-trip planning as well as my partner did when we were dating.

You can impress him by showing that you’ve also done your research with these travel tips. Related:  4 Reasons to Turn a Holiday Romance into the Real Thing and 5 Tips for Keeping a Holiday Romance Going Strong.

Related Reading: 15 Most Romantic Hotels in Europe

German Guys Are Honest. Sometimes Brutally So

If a German guy says something, chances are you can believe him.  When he says “I love you,” he most likely means it.  When he says he sees a future with you, he means it. When he says he doesn’t like Christmas markets but will go with you anyway, it means he likes you.

On the other hand, if things aren’t going in the right direction,  he will also be brutally honest about why he is ending it.

There’s none of this it’s not me, it’s you. When you’re dating a German man, it’s probably you. 

He’ll tell you why he doesn’t like you, or why it’s not working. For better or for worse, you will know where you stand with your German guy.

He will also be honest about whether he likes the gift you’ve just bought him. This is one of the hardest lessons I’ve experienced being an expat in Germany.

You need a thick skin when it comes to dating German men.

German Men Will Plan Dates in Advance

dating a German man

No more waiting until Thursday to see if he’s going to call and ask you out for Friday night.  Most German men would never dream of asking a girl out with only one-day notice.

He will ask at least several days in advance,  assuming that you have your life planned out in advance as he does.

He’s also likely to ask you to do something based on a shared interest. For example, going on a hike together.

Germans often meet someone from a common interest group, so if you want to date a German, find a hobby group and attend regularly. Dating is a lot like making friends – it takes time.

Related Reading: What It’s Really Like to Stay in a Castle Hotel in Germany

German Men Expect You to Pay Your Share

what it's like to dating German men

Having a German guy = lots of fun, romantic vacations together. I met my then German partner while on vacation.

Just be prepared to pay your share.  Many German guys are all about going “Dutch”.  In fairness to them, this is because many German girls are also about going “dutch” so they’ve used to this.

Besides, he’s probably putting the money he saved for your half of the trip away for your future together. Or his future with someone else as the case may be. German men like to save money and they can be tight with it. Remind him that flowers from the grocery store are cheap ;).

If You’re Living in Germany, He’ll Help You Navigate Through German Bureaucracy

This doesn’t sound very romantic. But anyone who’s an expat in Germany and has tried to get a work/marriage visa, insurance, or file taxes in Germany knows how utterly frustrating it can be.

You’ll be eternally grateful for all of the countless phone calls and visits to the Ausländerbehörde (Foreigner Office) he makes on your behalf.

Related Reading: 14 Wellness Hotels in Germany to Check into for Ultimate Relaxation

German Men Do Open Up. It Just Takes a While

romance in Germany

Many expat women find German men cold at first.  Germans prefer to think of themselves as reserved.

Regardless, once you get to know a German man, you will see his warmer, funnier side. Yes, Germans can be funny. He doesn’t show this to just anyone, so consider yourself special if he’s showing it to you.

Check out these wellness hotels in the Bavarian Alps on Booking.com 

Your German Guy May Take Some Time to Grow On You

Have you been swept off your feet yet?  No?  Just wait a while. German men take some time to grow on you.

 Like when my then partner came home for lunch for the first time in 12 years, because he missed me and thought I might be lonely. Or how he stayed 14 hours straight at the hospital when I had knee surgery.

Or how he took me to castles every weekend when I didn’t have any friends when I first moved to Germany.

Or how he moved to Munich since he thought it would be easier for me to settle in. You get the picture.

Check out this book for more insights into German Culture: German Men Sit Down To Pee And Other Insights Into German Culture 

German men will show you they care about you in all sorts of ways. You just have to be open enough to see it.

I also recommend this book, the 5 Love Languages.

While it doesn’t offer specific advice for dating Germans, it will help you understand your German guy, or man from any nationality better.

what it's like to date German men

178 thoughts on “German Men and Romance: Everything You Need to Know”

  1. Hello I met a german on the dating site, it was great in the begining. But now he really doesn’t have time for me. He will buy me anything that I need and want, and give me money. He is living with me, but he is not romantic at all. He don’t celebrate no holidays like valentines day, he didn’t even celebrate my birthday with me always working. And chatting with different woman online, but sneaky about it. A couple of days ago I look on his phone and seen that he and another female were exposing themselves to each other on video chat. But he denied it and it was staring me right in my face. I would tell him that it is over and he would say that I am not going anywhere. He wants to know who I am talking to on my phone everytime it rings. He always telling me that he loves me and texting me that to. I don’t really understand german men but would like to no more, because I am african american. Sometimes my heart can’t take him, and sometimes I can.

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  2. Hi there
    I met this wonderful german guy, we are pretty much in tune, but totally virtual still. He sent me pictures of his parents, brother and sister. He keeps talking about us in the future together , so romantic.. Somehow I belive him, so far it has been just dreams, future planning and all.. We didn’t exchange phone numbers yet.. It seems to me that he has been extra careful,,, He is 52 divorced and I am latin 63 … lol .. I don’t know what to think and I am so in love and he appears to be too… Is that normal?

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  3. Great to hear dear….
    But you konw till now i haven’t date the German guy….
    Its remain like dreams only ..ohh
    I wish i could have a german lifepatner..

    Reply
  4. Hi, i was dating with German around 8 th months. Dues to covid19 situation all relationships were based on phone calls and messages, on July I have visited him, But when I came back again after 1 week, he could not meet with him because of his work, and now one week ge doesnt answer to me. I thought that they are honest and if he doesnt want any realtionship he will tell me. He is very busy with his work, but is it normal just disappear like that? Last message nothing about relatioships, just that he has to work…

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