German Men and Romance: Everything You Need to Know

German men will likely never flirt with you as an Italian would. Nor will they shower you with romance as the French would.  Romance in Germany is more subtle.

It’s like an onion, exposing itself one layer at a time instead of all at once, but no less flavorful.

In my 20s I would have considered dating a German guy boring. In my 30s it became sexy. So much so that I married one.

what you need to know about dating German men

So what’s it really like dating a German guy?

When a German guy says he’ll call, he’ll call.

If he likes you, he may even call the next day.  Germans have rules for almost everything. But apparently waiting two days to call so that he doesn’t appear desperate is not one of them.

Be forewarned; he’ll call because he promised he would. It’s not necessarily because he likes you.

He may just be calling you to inform you that he doesn’t like you, and doesn’t want to see you again. But he promised he’d call, so he is.  (This has happened to dozens of friends of mine.)

German Guys Will Be On Time When They Meet You for a Date.

what it's like to date a German guy

Germans are sticklers for being on time. If you agree to meet at a restaurant at 8:00, he will be there waiting at 7:59 and not keep you waiting.  On the flip side, he expects the same of you. So be on time.

There’s no playing “will he show, or not show” games with German men. If he says he’ll be there, he will. You won’t have to worry about trying to convince the waiter that your date is only running an hour late.

Your German Guy Will Want to Go on Vacation Together

Most Germans love to travel, and they have a lot of holidays compared to North Americans.  If he likes you, he will want to include you in those travel plans. He may even do all the research and pre-trip planning as well like my husband did when we were dating.

You can impress him by showing that you’ve also done your research with these travel tips. Related:  4 Reasons to Turn a Holiday Romance into the Real Thing and 5 Tips for Keeping a Holiday Romance Going Strong.

German Guys Are Honest. Sometimes Brutally So

If a German guy says something, chances are you can believe him.  When he says “I love you,” he most likely means it.  When he says he sees a future with you, he means it.

On the other hand, if things aren’t going in the right direction,  he will also be brutally honest about why he is ending it.

There’s none of this it’s not me, it’s you. When you’re dating a German man, it’s probably you. 

He’ll tell you why he doesn’t like you, or why it’s not working.For better or for worse, you will know where you stand with your German guy.

He will also be honest about whether he likes the gift you’ve just bought him. This is one of the hardest lessons I’ve experienced being an expat in Germany.

You need a thick skin when it comes to dating German men.

German Men Will Plan Dates in Advance

dating a German man

No more waiting until Thursday to see if he’s going to call and ask you out for Friday night.  Most German men would never dream of asking a girl out with only one-day notice.

He will ask at least several days in advance,  assuming that you have your life planned out in advance as he does. He’s also likely to ask you to do something based on a shared interest. For example, going on a hike together.

 

German Men Expect You to Pay Your Share

what it's like to dating German men

Having a German guy = lots of fun, romantic vacations together. I met my now German husband while on vacation.

Just be prepared to pay your share.  Many German guys are all about going “Dutch”.  In fairness to them, this is because many German girls are also about going “dutch” so they’ve used to this.

Besides he’s probably putting the money, he saved for your half of the trip away for your future together. Or his future with someone else as the case may be. German men like to save money and they can be tight with it.

If You’re Living in Germany, He’ll Help You Navigate Through German Bureaucracy

This doesn’t sound very romantic. But anyone who’s an expat in Germany and has tried to get a work/marriage visa, insurance, or file taxes in Germany knows how utterly frustrating it can be. You’ll  be eternally grateful for all of the countless phone calls and visits to the Ausländerbehörde (Foreigner Office) he makes on your behalf.

You’ll  be eternally grateful for all of the countless phone calls and visits to the Ausländerbehörde (Foreigner Office) he makes on your behalf.

German Men Do Open Up. It Just Takes a While

romance in Germany

Many expat women find German men cold at first.  Germans prefer to think of themselves as reserved.

Regardless, once you get to know a German man, you will see his warmer, funnier side. Yes, Germans can be funny. He doesn’t show this to just anyone, so consider yourself special if he’s showing it to you.

Your German Guy May Take Some Time to Grow On You

German-Canadian wedding in Banff (Canadian Rocky Mountains)

I like German men so much that I married one.

Have you been swept off your feet yet?  No?  Just wait a while. German men take some time to grow on you.

 Like when my then fiance came home for lunch for the first time in 12 years, because he missed me and thought I might be lonely. Or how he stayed 14 hours straight at the hospital when I had knee surgery.

Or how he took me to castles every weekend when I didn’t have any friends when I first moved to Germany. Or how he moved to Munich since he thought it would be easier for me to settle in. You get the picture.  That’s why I married him.

German men will show you they care about you in all sorts of ways. You just have to be open enough to see it.

I also recommend this book, the 5 Love Languages. While it doesn’t offer specific advice for dating Germans, it will help you understand your German guy, or man from any nationality better.

what it's like to date German men

See more places to visit in Germany.

Laurel Robbins is the founder of Monkeys and Mountains, an adventure travel blog and company that helps people plan their active holidays in a sustainable way. Although Canadian, she lives in Germany. You can find her in the mountains on most weekends.
What it's really like to date German men. They can be romantic but it may not be what you expect.
2017-10-08T10:28:33+00:00

95 Comments

  1. Andi of My Beautiful Adventures February 14, 2012 at 2:40 pm - Reply

    Ummm I didn’t realize how German I really was until I read this post! I thought I was definitely more Italian, nope definitely German!!!

  2. Laurel February 14, 2012 at 3:48 pm - Reply

    @Andi – Haha, well the not playing games thing, does make relationships more straight forward. I was sooooo not German before I met my husband but have since adapted rather nicely.

  3. Sue February 14, 2012 at 4:52 pm - Reply

    Great insight. I have German ancestry- way back- but perhaps that is where my need to be on time (ok a bit early) comes from. And as my hubby will tell you, when we met I was very upfront about what I was looking for. I shared my list with him- girlfriends thought I was nuts. But in my 30s I needed that German clarity!

  4. inka February 14, 2012 at 5:06 pm - Reply

    I just love your take on us Germans.Having spent far more time abroad than in Germany I have little German romances to look back upon. Now I wonder if that is good or bad. Maybe I could try my luck with a young at heart old age pensioner in Germany? On second thoughts…..no, I’ll still go for the Saudi prince of my dreams.

  5. Laurel February 14, 2012 at 5:14 pm - Reply

    @Sue – It sounds like your German-ness has followed you to Canada. I think getting clarity when you’re in your 30s is a good thing. I did the same thing when I first met J.P. I think most guys would have gone running, but he appreciated that I didn’t want to start anything when we were over 8000km apart if we had different ideas of what we both wanted.

    @Inka – The Saudi prince sounds more like your style 🙂

  6. Italian Notes February 14, 2012 at 5:25 pm - Reply

    Very convincing and highly entertaining plea for the lovable Germans. I enjoyed it:)

  7. fotoeins | Henry February 14, 2012 at 7:25 pm - Reply

    And now I’m wondering how many folks have hung out at Köln’s Hohenzollernbrücke today … 🙂

    Thanks for your post, Laurel!

  8. Sabrina February 14, 2012 at 7:45 pm - Reply

    Sounds like you found a great one 🙂 Love your perspective on us Germans! Love the whole “he’ll call when he says he’ll call” thing. I was soooo confused when I first moved to Texas and people (men, women, anybody!) would keep talking about calling me and I didn’t even have a phone… sigh, that’s before I found out that really it means “bye” when somebody says they’ll call you 90% of the time 🙂 Haha! You just made me realize how German I am despite having been gone for a while now.

  9. Laurel February 14, 2012 at 9:13 pm - Reply

    @Italian Notes – Thanks, glad I convinced you 🙂

    @Henry – Good question, given that Valentines Day is not super popular in Germany.

    @Sabrina – I love hearing your German perspective now that you’re living in the U.S. I had a German friend in Canada and it took her a while to realize that when people say “I’ll call you” they may/or may not mean it. I like the German way for this much better, way less confusing and I think I’ll keep J.P. 🙂

  10. Zhu February 14, 2012 at 10:18 pm - Reply

    The whole package actually sounds pretty good! I don’t have much stereotypes about German guys actually, other than I *probably* wouldn’t think of German as a sexy language. And even then, what do I know?!

    One thing that surprised me when I was traveling last winter, is that a lot of German seemed to travel as two couples, i.e. two guys and two girls.

  11. andreza February 14, 2012 at 10:24 pm - Reply

    Laurel, excellent perspective of german guys! I am so glad with my german boyfriend, I feel protected and safe, because he means what he speaks… so hard to find in Brazilian men…! thank you for sharing your point of view and give me more basis to my feelings! I lived it! Cheers!

  12. Ayngelina February 15, 2012 at 5:08 am - Reply

    I could have a lot of issues here. If a guy call I assume it`s because he likes me. Will he promise to call even if he doesn`t like you?

  13. Annie - FootTracker February 15, 2012 at 7:30 am - Reply

    A guy that plans (!! Turns head, that is amazing.)
    A guy that is honest (!!! O_O a little scared but better than someone who does not speak the truth and do not open up at all)
    A guy that will want to go on vacation together (!!!!! wow that is nice, means he does think about the relationship)

    I can totally see why you married your hubby ^^

    I hope I have chances to meet some German guys in the future XDDD hahaha ~

  14. Jo February 15, 2012 at 8:25 am - Reply

    I have to concur with all that you’ve said – my German partner is thoughtful, funny & absolutely honest, and now I wouldn’t have it any other way.
    He brought flowers every week when we were dating (& still makes sure there are flowers in the house), spoils me on birthdays, christmas & valentines and is happy to “invite” me for meals when he knows it’s a while before my payday!

    We’ve just found out that we’re moving from the UK to Stuttgart (he’s just been offered a job there) so any hints & tips you can give me on Stuttgart life would be much appreciated – anything from language school to where the best places to shop, eat etc. are – we visited at the weekend & although it was freezing it seemed like a nice city.

  15. linda@adventuresinexpatland.com February 15, 2012 at 9:38 am - Reply

    I like the upfront honesty you ascribe to German men rather than the juvenile gamesmanship of some other cultures. I was told that a man can ‘tell’ you he loves you all he wants, but the ones who ‘show’ you through the little things that build a life together are worth their weight in gold. Nice story in the Telegraph – Happy Valentine’s Day!

  16. Tiffany @ No Ordinary Homestead February 15, 2012 at 9:49 am - Reply

    The thing about guys not paying for girls kinda bugs me — I mean where’s the incentive for the girl if he’s never going to pick up the tab and show he’s really into her? And it’s definitely a common thing over here — although I think some Americans have started picking up on that as well.

    My German Latin lover (inside joke from a stupid dating show on MTV where the girl referred to a French guy as a Latin lover — cause it’s totally close to the same thing, right?) certainly has a more romantic flair than I do at times. And he’s more sentimental. I think that any girl who ends up with a German guy is lucky, because they can often be very giving and aware of your needs. Of course my guy lived in the US for his formidable teen years, so perhaps that doesn’t count 🙂

  17. Christy @ Technosyncratic February 15, 2012 at 1:30 pm - Reply

    This is totally my kind of romance! On time? Does what he says? Plans things in advance? That kind of stuff is amazing. 😀

  18. Andrew February 15, 2012 at 11:03 pm - Reply

    I didn’t date so much in Germany, so I have no clue how close the German women fall to this. I assume there is some similarity. At least an interesting read.
    Though when I go out to the bars with friends and do our normal people watching, it is often hard to tell the couples. Germans seem to socialize in larger groups.

  19. Chris February 18, 2012 at 4:21 am - Reply

    I clearly need to relocate to Germany. I do a lot of the above and it’s just not appreciated by Aussie girls. The rules are very much ingrained here. It’s too fast and loose, haha.

    That and, let’s face it, German girls are gorgeous.

    • Ne November 6, 2015 at 2:59 pm - Reply

      Hahaa, I find it the same about Aussie men xD

      • Laurel November 13, 2015 at 5:47 pm - Reply

        @Ne – Ha, that’s funny, I’m actually sitting and working beside two Aussie men at the moment…and they agree with you 🙂

  20. Katherina February 18, 2012 at 12:55 pm - Reply

    During my two years in Germany, I only dated one german man – a guy who was funny, a planner and took me to probably one of the most unexpected first dates (at that time, that is, while being a student). He picked me up in his car without telling me where we were going) and so we ended up in a neighboring town having a very regional dinner with wine in an old watermill, overlooking a beautiful bridge.
    I was seriously impressed as I thought it was overly romantic!

  21. Jessica February 25, 2012 at 1:09 am - Reply

    I think its hilarious how Americans say that Germans are cold and closed off all the time because we aren’t. We just aren’t fake. I hear it almost every day at work. Most people don’t realize I’m German when they first meet me because my dad is American, I have no accent in English, so I hear the gripes and complaints.

    I definitely had culture shock in the states with the super friendliness, fake friendliness at that. I never really know what to say so people think I’m the weird one LOL I’ve had people tell me their life stories after knowing them 5 minutes and I find it awkward and uncomfortable. I honestly have no idea how to respond because I don’t know them.

    As a rule in Germany, once you break the ice, everything is fine. And if you have no clue what to talk about with someone to get rid of that awkward silence, you can never go wrong with the weather. Germans LOVE talking weather, weird but true. We love to talk but until we know someone, we won’t be telling a person about our latest gynecology appointment in line at the grocery store (true story -.-)

  22. Laurel February 27, 2012 at 9:03 am - Reply

    @Zhu – I’ve live in Germany and still don’t find the German language sexy. Traveling in couples or with friends is popular in Germany. J.P.’s friends will often travel in a large group of couples with children in tow. It looks like a lot of fun.

    @Andreza – Glad to hear that you’ve found happiness with a German guy. The honesty took me a while to get used to, but now that I’m used to it, I would find it difficult to be with someone more indirect.

    @Ayngelina – Maybe, if he really doesn’t like you, he won’t bother to say that he’ll call, but if he’s not sure, he’ll say he’ll call you, think it over and then deliver the verdict.

    @Annie – I know right? Come to Germany and I’ll introduce you to a few guys 🙂

    @Jo – sounds like you’ve found a great one and I love the flowers, my hubby is good at doing that too. Too funny that your guy also says that he’ll “invite” you, J.P. still says that too, even though we’re married. Best of luck with your move to Stuttgart, I really enjoyed the Expat Dinner Club (you can find it on Facebook), there’s also an Internations chapter and I attended IFA language school, which is tough,but thorough.

    @Linda – I agree, actions speak louder than words and mean more. Thanks for your kind words about our Telegraph story.

    @Tiffany – I found the paying thing confusing at first and slightly annoying as well. I agree that German guys can be very giving. I wish J.P. had lived in Canada or the U.S. before we went, but he’s slowly adopting some Canadian traits.

    @Christy – Agreed, it would have been boring when I was 20, but in my 30s this is the kind of stuff that I like.

    @Andrew – I would assume there’s a lot of similarity for German women as well, but I haven’t dated any German women either.

    @Chris – Yes, move to Germany, where you will be appreciated by the women – as long as you don’t mind if they make plans in advance 🙂

    @Katherina – That is incredibly romantic, especially for a first date! Most Germans I know are more pragmatic on a first date, preferring to meet for coffee or a drink.

    @Jessica – I admit that I was one of those people who thought Germans were cold at first as well – until I understood the reason why Germans are like that. To be honest I hadn’t considered being friendly “fake” until I moved to Germany and heard the German perspective. I agree that many North Americans overshare, especially when they don’t know someone very well. My husband has accused me of this as well in Germany, even when I think I’m being conservative with what I say. Germans are also more comfortable with silence than North Americans are – something that I admire.

  23. amandapoverseas March 4, 2012 at 9:42 pm - Reply

    In a way it’s sad that they may call just to say they don’t like you but I think that’s better than leaving a girl hanging. German specific or not I have to agree that the qualities you list are good to have.

  24. Heather April 15, 2012 at 8:23 am - Reply

    I loved reading this. Finding bloggers in Germany that are not German is a hobby of mine! My favorite part of your blog was that German men will call you, maybe if just to tell you they don’t like you, because they said they would. German rules! Just recently I asked my German friends for a secret copy of the book I know must exist, The Very Official and Lengthy Book of German Rules. I imagine it’s 3000 pages long and I want a copy, primarily so I can check off the rules I break daily. Thanks for the blog!

  25. Masha (2away) June 30, 2012 at 6:40 pm - Reply

    LOL! This is a very funny, but a very accurate description of German men 🙂 Great post!

  26. Mariella March 7, 2013 at 2:59 pm - Reply

    When you put it like that it makes German guys sounds pretty attractive to my German ears 🙂 you guys sounds like a great couple btw. Congratulations on having found each other!

    • Laurel March 12, 2013 at 2:13 pm - Reply

      @Mariella – Yeah, I think I’m going to keep mine. We definitely have our cultural differences, but most days I feel pretty lucky 🙂

      • Kristi May 20, 2013 at 2:44 pm - Reply

        I have just met a German man and he is VERY romantic! We talk every night and I am falling for him VERY fast!

        • Laurel May 28, 2013 at 6:54 pm - Reply

          @Kristi – Glad to hear it. I fell for my now German husband very fast as well. Hope it works out for you. Keep me posted.

  27. HeatherNoble April 10, 2013 at 12:55 am - Reply

    I think this is a good article. I have just started seeing somebody from East Germany…he is warmer than most West Germans, we both remember a time when Communism was a factor, but he is typically German none the less. The most important thing to remember is that German men are unfailingly honest and they do have a strict moral code, well most of them. Those from decent families…they have high expectations of themselves and others. If my boyfriend emails me to say he can’t meet our skype session, you can believe it’s true, no hanky panky. Honestly, he’s working harder than ever because he wants to come back to the States to see me. German men are very goal oriented when it comes to work. This guy has financial goals and everything he does feeds into that….and the reason for the goal? Me. No, he doesn’t profess his love or tell me all the time how sexy or cute I am. That is something German men don’t think to do…not sure why. But he is making me a priority by earning enough money to come back soon, maybe spend the winter here and maybe pack up and move his business here, all of which we are starting to plan for now. I like this practical forward momentum,. German men don’t require guesswork, and I like that after all the other BS I’ve seen.

    • HeatherNoble April 10, 2013 at 12:56 am - Reply

      And yes he pays for almost everything; another reason why work is important. He’s thinking of my finances, it appears.

    • Laurel May 28, 2013 at 7:31 pm - Reply

      @Heather – Thanks so much for sharing your experience. Glad to hear that you’re having such a positive experience with a German man. I agree, being with someone hardworking and straight forward who doesn’t play games is a very nice change :). Let me know how it works out for you.

  28. Chelle July 8, 2013 at 3:49 am - Reply

    Hello Laurel

    I will be leaving in two weeks to see a German man in Munich. I am not sure if it was because I was brought up by German Grandparents or not but I find my guys approach to our relationship a breath of fresh air. He is funny, smart, passionate in what is important to him, a hard worker, and he does those “little” things that are important to me.

    I am not your typical American girl, but raised in America none the less so I enjoyed seeing your insight on German men. It gives me a “general” idea of what to expect while living in his world for 2 weeks. Thank you 🙂

    • Laurel August 12, 2013 at 10:21 pm - Reply

      @Chelle – Best of luck. I hope it goes fabulous for you. The “little things” are what’s important. I found a few of my husband’s German traits a bit difficult to get used to at first, but I do appreciate the honesty and straight forward approach. Let me know how it goes – fingers crossed for you!

  29. Anna October 19, 2013 at 6:00 pm - Reply

    Gosh, I loved this post! This just checked off all my dude requirements, for real. That on top of being totally gobsmacked by the hordes of gorgeous, polite gents when I was in Munich – maybe this is the sign of where I should move to next 🙂

    • Laurel November 9, 2013 at 8:38 pm - Reply

      @Abba – Thanks. I think German guys are highly underrated, although I’m a bit biased 🙂

  30. Linda October 19, 2013 at 8:02 pm - Reply

    Aww, this is so sweet! I have a sort of date with a German coming up – now I know what to expect!

    • Laurel November 9, 2013 at 8:37 pm - Reply

      @Linda – Good luck. Let me know how it goes!

  31. Megan December 5, 2013 at 8:07 pm - Reply

    Love this article! I am Canadian but have been very impressed by how polite and down to earth Germans are. I agree with you, German men are very underrated! 🙂

    • Laurel December 9, 2013 at 9:36 am - Reply

      @Megan, Glad to hear that you’ve also had a positive experience with Germans. Maybe there’s something to the Canadian/German thing 🙂

      • Katharina Gerlach January 18, 2014 at 3:37 pm - Reply

        Well, I went to Niagara Falls once and I’d have to say that I was appalled by the American side — so much rubbish flying around, the town gray and depressing and very, very self-absorbed. Even the attractions had an “I’m only interested in your money” feeling to them. When I entered the Canadian side: tidiness, flowers and a feeling of being welcome… I guess/hope that’s what you get when you visit Germany for the first time too.

        • Laurel February 21, 2014 at 11:59 pm - Reply

          @Katharina – As a Canadian, that makes me soooo happy to hear that. Germany is definitely very clean. I hear some people complaining that Munich is “too clean” which I don’t understand.

  32. Liane January 13, 2014 at 4:13 pm - Reply

    Hi,
    thats really funny to read that, because i talked with my italien flatmate about it and he said kind of the same. He misses the passion about love. I’m a german and never thought about “german love”. My ex-boyfriends were very old fashion. They opened me the door of the car, and looked on which side they are walking. So there are a lot of different types here i think. But yes, Germans are kind of boring and reserved.
    But i will check out the Canadians in April 😉 And than we will see if there is a Canadian German thing or not *lol*

    • Laurel February 22, 2014 at 12:03 am - Reply

      @Liane – Oh you must let me know your opinion on Canadian men and what happens. I find them nice, but kind of boring. I love my German husband, but would definitely consider him reserved, especially by Canadian standards 🙂

  33. Katharina Gerlach January 18, 2014 at 3:34 pm - Reply

    O dear, I laughed like ***. Of course, you’re a little generalizing, you know but mostly you’re spot on (say someone who’s been born and raised German). Especially about punctuality. I spent a whole year in Scotland and I was ALWAYS too early for any meetings or dates I agreed on, even when I had learned to come 1/4 hr later than the time we’d agreed on, I was still the first to show up. The only thign was I didn’t have to wait for 1/2 hrd but for 10-15 min. 😀

    There’s one point I need to contradict you on, and it’s this one: He Will Help You Navigate Through German Bureaucracy
    There are enough German men who haven’t gotten the slightest idea about the how. You’re better off asking a German gal — the ones with at least some education know the ropes.

    Gosh, it’s so refreshing to see my culture reflected in someone else’s eyes.

    • Laurel February 22, 2014 at 12:01 am - Reply

      @Katharina – Thanks for your kind words and agreed that I’m generalizing. Also agree that most German women are better than men for dealing with bureaucracy. My German female friends have been very helpful…my husband? Only when prodded 🙂

  34. Jane July 30, 2014 at 8:59 am - Reply

    I am dating a German man…he is everything this article says he is. He is always consistant, which is such a refreshing change ….

    • Laurel September 29, 2014 at 12:51 pm - Reply

      @Jane – Glad to hear that you’re enjoying the experience.

      • Sharanya Kannan March 21, 2015 at 3:35 pm - Reply

        Hi i really loved reading this blog. I had met this German guy in India(i live in India,Mumbai)for only once and that’s 2 months back. We both connected very quickly. in fact he was the one who initiated and asked for my number. since then we have been texting on whtsapp from morning till night..we are been in constant talking terms since then. its like we just open our eyes in the morning and the text goes or comes. he keeps telling that he misses me..and i miss him too. now he plans to come to India again in May 1st week for 9 days. i am a bit nervous..i want to know what are the things thats Germans dislike or i need to be well informed so that i don’t spoil things the way it going !! pls help…

        • Laurel March 24, 2015 at 12:00 am - Reply

          @Sharanya – Thank you, and I’m glad to hear it’s going well. Check back for more articles, as I will be writing more about “Life in Germany” in April/May.

        • Katharina Gerlach March 24, 2015 at 8:18 am - Reply

          Don’t fret. If you do something wrong, a sincere apology should be enough to make him happy again. We germans don’t make friends easily but when we do, we’re prepared to take the bad with the good. 😉

          I wish you a lot of luck with your dating.

          • Laurel March 24, 2015 at 10:08 am

            @Katharina – Excellent point!I find Germans are much more willing to take the bad with the good than we Canadians are!

  35. Sharanya Kannan March 21, 2015 at 3:38 pm - Reply

    and yes i even plan to shift to Germany in September as i would be working there. If things go well with him when he is here on his holidays..we would even ask each other out in Germany.

  36. mariam June 7, 2015 at 11:18 pm - Reply

    I like how they flirt in a shy way? they soo sweet.
    I like a german guy soo much, he is perfect; respects me soo much, sweet, nice, and gentleman.

    • Laurel August 10, 2015 at 6:50 pm - Reply

      @Mariam – Yeah, it is shy. Hope you’re romance goes well, he sounds like a great guy!

  37. Dar June 15, 2015 at 12:46 am - Reply

    I’m an American female dating a German male who has shown me nothing but warmth and thoughtfulness as I am accustomed to in the southern states of my country where hospitality and chivalry rule. He opens the door, allows me to walk in first, encourages me to order first, speaks about whatever is on his mind like politics and world affairs or work and family, pays for the bill and then behaves totally normal when we go back to the hotel. We spoke on the phone for a month before meeting, then we shared a hotel room(separate beds) for a week. On night number four he made love to me. He instigated his move by asking me to lay next to him for ten minutes before he fell asleep. Lol! Now I’m going to Germany to meet his family. He’s asked me to help him find a house that would make us both happy in a location we have already agreed on. His family is anxious to meet me and I’m a part of every facet of his world. He flirts with me generously by sending picture texts at night and wishes me a good day every morning. He always does what he says. I have no question he has eyes only for me as his nickname for me is “his beautiful” and all without him ever saying the specific words “I love you.” As for me, I would much prefer a man that expresses himself so clearly that his actions make the words pale in comparison.

    • Laurel August 10, 2015 at 6:48 pm - Reply

      Dar – I”m glad to hear that you’ve had such a great experience with a German guy and I agree, actions speak louder than words.

  38. Amber July 2, 2015 at 2:48 pm - Reply

    Loved this article. So cute- can’t wait to get to Berlin!

  39. Beth July 6, 2015 at 9:39 pm - Reply

    I’m actually frustrated with German guys. My experiences are far from O.K.
    I do agree that some Germans might be reserved at first, but later would open up. That is what happened with my German friends. But when it comes about guys it just doesn’t happen. They are too cold and distant, won’t have any details, They don’t know how to flirt, they are not sweet nor romantic. They are not sympathetic and not supportive at all. I know there are exceptions, but in my experience most of them don’t know how to treat a woman.
    On the other hand, I dated an Austrian guy who turned out to be a sweetheart! but eventually it didn’t work because we had almost nothing in common, but he is a great person an man. I later dated a Swiss guy who was actually really nice and funny, we are now good friends. But Germans… not my thing!

    • Laurel August 10, 2015 at 6:40 pm - Reply

      @Beth – I totally get it. I’m now used to my husband’s behaviour, but it took me a while to adjust – I also found him to be cold and not compassionate. The good news is if you tell them and show them what you would like, most of them do listen. That’s not saying that they become incredibly sympathetic and supportive overnight, but my husband has made much more of an effort to adapt to what he calls his “sensitive Canadian”. Interesting about the Austrian and Swiss guys, I would have thought they would have been similar to German guys.

  40. Annett July 28, 2015 at 6:13 pm - Reply

    Love your post! However, as a German girl, I have to say that this is a little to general. Yes, German guys are mostly on time. …And NO, they do lie sometimes. Dated a long time in Germany before I moved to the US and know that it’s the same as everywhere else: You have some great ones but also some douchebags.

    • Laurel August 10, 2015 at 6:26 pm - Reply

      @Annett – Agreed, these are generalizations and unfortunately douchebags can be found everywhere.

  41. Koomar August 2, 2015 at 11:47 pm - Reply

    My german partner and I recently have a big dispute. The bottom line is she’s very disappointed (angry and sad too) that I didn’t trust her. Now she doesn’t want to talk to me for days. She literally chooses to ignore my texts. I’m very sad because it feels like similar to my previous relationship. I understand that she has the rights to feel so, but I still can’t understand why she’s so furious because the reason I did my thing was only to know what I’m getting into and to protect myself in the future if it needs be (it’s a complicated story) 🙁
    #sigh#

    • Laurel August 10, 2015 at 6:23 pm - Reply

      @Koomar – Sorry to hear you’re having trouble with your German partner. From my experience, I’ve observed that trust is very important to Germans, even more so than for some other nationalities. I hope you’re able to work it out.

    • Katharina Gerlach August 11, 2015 at 8:50 pm - Reply

      First, give her/him? some time to cool down. And then, try to approach your partner by opening up about the things that frighten you. Explain why you didn’t trust. Write it in a real letter — possibly with a pressed flower stuck to it. If your partner values you a lot, (s)he will come around and at least try to understand your pov. It doesn’t mean (s)he will share it, so an apology wouldn’t hurt. 😉

      • Laurel August 12, 2015 at 3:04 pm - Reply

        @Katharina – Thank you for taking the time to respond – great advice!

  42. Julia August 5, 2015 at 6:43 pm - Reply

    Hi
    I want to find out if you meet a German Guy online and he ask you to move in if he mean it. I met a German Guy I have been to talking to sometime , we both fell for one another. I am from the UK but living in the US. but planning on moving back to the UK and possible to German. He texts me and tell me he misses me very much everyday. Even the I love you have come in also recently, Germans guys are hunk lol!
    Any help would be appreciate

    Julia

    • Laurel August 10, 2015 at 6:20 pm - Reply

      @Julia – Mmm, from online it’s tough to know. Definitely worth meeting him in person a few times first before moving in with him. Best of luck.

  43. Julia August 11, 2015 at 2:39 pm - Reply

    Hi Laurel,
    Thank you for your response! We defiantly planning on meeting one another soon, but my job as a Lawyer is demanding, But he kept asking me when we are going to see one another. They say that German guys are shy but in this case I did not see this. We talk everyday on the phone he always have something interesting to tell me. I find him to be kind, caring and a polite guy.
    He lives alone so I am planning on going to see him and stay with him. I prefer dating German Guys than American Guys, because of the straight forwardness of the Germans Guys. It funny one of my friends gave him a call because she wants to move to Germany and she says he was so shy when she was speaking with him. When she told him thanks for making my friend happy he gave a laugh and did say anything else. But I told her he was not like that with me at all, even our first phone conversation.
    I enjoy reading your blog keep up the good work.

    Best Regards,
    Julia

    • Laurel August 12, 2015 at 3:03 pm - Reply

      @Julia – I’m so glad that you’re having such a great experience with a German guy! Let me know how it goes – fingers crossed for you, or as they would say in Germany, “Toi toi toi”

  44. Julia August 16, 2015 at 5:49 am - Reply

    Hi Laurel,
    Thank you for your well wishes! Today is my birthday, my German Guy did a video recording singing me Happy Birthday’s song, I was smiling when I heard it, I think that is so sweet of him. He said to me you make my heart go blind by loving you. My German comes off so loving. I tell him I do not what I will do with him.
    From what I read
    it is so different what they are saying about German Guys.

    Best Regards,
    Julia

    • Laurel August 16, 2015 at 4:39 pm - Reply

      @Julia – Happy Birthday! Hope you’re having a fantastic day! Your guy sounds very sweet! I can’t wait for you guys to meet!

  45. Julia August 22, 2015 at 4:02 am - Reply

    Hi Laurel,
    Thank you! I wanted to ask if German Guys, when they having problems if they would pull back? Meaning personal or work problems.
    Have a nice weekend.

    Best Regards,
    Julia

    • Laurel August 23, 2015 at 8:35 am - Reply

      @Julia – I think generally speaking yes, but if you ask them directly if something is wrong, I’ve found them to be more open than Canadian guys. Let me know how it goes!

      • Julia August 26, 2015 at 5:29 am - Reply

        Hi Laurel,
        I would say he worked hard in wooing me to get me, because we met online. But now he is more relax now, and compare to what I read German Guys are really not that way. I asked him as you had mentioned, he told me he was having personal problems, but he did not want to talk about this time with me. So I let it go, and decided when he was ready he would let me know. H e let me know when he has plans to do things with friends and family.
        He tells me that I am wonderful and he misses me so much, almost daily. We have not been speaking much because of this, but two days ago he called me to tell me he wanted to hear my voice before he went to sleep. The time difference is also a killer for us. When he is going to work I am going to sleep, so what I am doing is giving him his space. I also let him know that I am here for him if he needs me to talk about anything that is bothering him he can vent. So I am drowning myself with work, But I must say dating a German is defiantly different than dating an American or Scottish. But all is it a cultural difference.
        Laurel I wanted to know if you live in Germany?
        But thank you for your advice and writing this blog educating us on German Guys.

        Best Regards,
        Julia

        • Laurel August 26, 2015 at 12:04 pm - Reply

          @Julia – It sounds like you guys have a great connection, but need to meet as soon as possible. Maybe you can meet somewhere halfway and spend a weekend together? While it’s great to have an online and telephone connection, nothing compares to seeing what it’s like in person, before you invest too much time in the relationship. I visited my now husband two months after we met on vacation as I wanted to see what his life was life in Germany and that was really helpful. I’ve lived in Germany for over 5 years now. Best of luck!

  46. Garrafa August 25, 2015 at 11:48 am - Reply

    They know how to make you feel badly. If you have to wait until their are accustomed to see you around, It can last one year or more, what means they are racist because like people from community, and not people because they are simple people. German are moody, unfriendly, conformist, and without sexual hormones, to not say indifferent to all the subtleties of love and tenderness. All the world is romantic but Germans. Even a Japanese robot is more sentimental. I am not kidding, that is really fucking awesome. There is not way to describe them without insulting them, because they are insulting all type of kindness with their behaviour. They want only be the best at obey their race, they are very tribal, they have the last model of iapple but their soul are in the medieval age yet. They want only have children for the state, live alone, and practice only single activities. They prefer a dog than a chat with a foreigner. If you come to Sachssen, You will see all the parks full of solitaries people with dogs, complete silents, no smile, no laughter, The perfect world to be a statue and do only your job. They say they know Peru, but they dont know have to buy a ticket bus in Lima or how to cook a Ceviche, etc. Leindenschaft only at work and shopping new gadgets. We all know how their are and that will not change. We are very kind with these , disrespectful and rude tribe. I live in Germany and they don’t know what smile means!!! Sie sind hasslichen!! I have never see a couple of Germans kissing in the street!!!! I swear you. and you know what horrible is a world of castrates and eunuchs.

    • Laurel August 26, 2015 at 12:07 pm - Reply

      @Garrafa – I’m very sorry to hear that you’ve had such a negative experience. I’m grateful that my experience has been much better. I hope you are able to find some nice German friends, as there are nice people everywhere.

  47. Marsha November 10, 2015 at 1:48 pm - Reply

    Hi! I enjoyed your article. I just met a German man. We both work internationally and are well traveled. We met as work friends but it’s a big company so I don’t see him very much. I saw him out one night and he gave me a look and smiled so a few days later I asked him out. We had a good time and he thanked me, said the pleasure was all his, when I replied thanks for coming. Long story short we had talked about going to a movie. His exact words to me after saying I wouldn’t mind seeing it since he had said he was a fan were, sounds like a plan. But he never actually sought me out for a second date. After a week I saw him again and he said yes he would like to see the movie but he didn’t know when asking me when I wanted to go. I said I don’t know anytime so he replied he would think about it and I could think about it. I told him stop by my office. Also before I asked him if he wanted my phone number and he said yes but his friends came over and he said I will get it from you next week. Sorry for all the details, but I can’t figure out if he is just being polite and not interested as he never came to get my number. He is a genuinely nice person, but a usually a polite American response is a blow off. I knew enough about German men to pursue him a little but how far does being direct go? Would he rather be polite than say no? Thanks for listening hope you can offer some insight! I REALLY like him 😉

    • Laurel November 13, 2015 at 5:41 pm - Reply

      @Marsha – Thanks for your comment. If he hasn’t asked for your number yet, despite you showing interest, my guess is that he’s either not interested, or it’s not a good time for him to pursue a romantic relationship – I hope I’m wrong, but that’s my two sense. Best of luck and let me know how it turns out.

      • Marsha November 16, 2015 at 12:26 pm - Reply

        Thanks Laurel. I guess I just get this subtle feeling that he is attracted to me by the way he looked at me during our “date”, or the way he waited by the door looking at me after an event but I was too shy to walk over and talk to him, or the way he stopped in mid sentence when talking to someone else to stop and talk to me, and the way he did not stop the conversation even though people were waiting for him and there were pauses when he could have easily excused himself or when he told me he would like to take me out to dinner. I will say I asked him out very casually as in hey I have an extra ticket to this concert do you want to go? But you do have a point that he has not asked for my number. Do you have any guesses why if Germans are so direct he would not have politely declined the movie invitation? I think I am just going to give him my number and tell him I am interested in getting to know him better and having some fun, unless your readers think it is a bad idea. I know you are a busy woman so I understand if you don’t reply. I was just hoping something would work out between us. Thanks again!

        • Laurel November 20, 2015 at 5:48 pm - Reply

          @Marsha – Some Germans do modify their behaviour when they’re around other cultures that are not as direct as they are, especially those that are well traveled. I truly hope it works out for you. Keep me posted.

  48. tom January 12, 2016 at 2:37 pm - Reply

    British are better than German guys…you have the best of both worlds with us. The looks, the charm and the chivalry! I’ve been to Germany and the guys were OK, no match for me though..too easy. I got all the fraulines!

    • Laurel January 13, 2016 at 10:47 pm - Reply

      @Tom – Haha, glad that you did so well with the Fräuleins. You also forgotten to mention that the British are better flirts than the Germans 😉

  49. Affe February 28, 2016 at 3:23 pm - Reply

    I’m dating a typical German guy for 6 months now and this article is really true they might be boring, very private, cold, workaholic, not so romantic and so many things but they are also a real Gentlemen and a keeper.

    • Laurel February 29, 2016 at 4:05 pm - Reply

      @Affe – So glad to hear that you’re having such a great experience with your German guy!

      • Andrew April 14, 2016 at 12:15 am - Reply

        Hi! I have just read this forum on Dating Germans. I am a 27 yr old man who just recently met a nice German young woman who lives in Germany. She and I have been corresponding for a couple weeks off and on. I have noticed that she is a bit more reserved and honest in comparison to American girls. I would like to know how to tell her I feel and I would also like some tips on how to continue corresponding (fear of not having enough to talk about soon). I do not wish to scare her away. As a benefit and a way to impress her, ive been trying to learn the German language day by day. I’ve even tried singing a German version of a song for her… What can I do to boaster this friendship/relationship? If anyone has any tips or pointers, I am open to them all. Dankë

        • Laurel April 14, 2016 at 3:45 pm - Reply

          @Andrew – Your observations sound spot-on. The good thing about Germans is that you can be honest with how you’re feeling and just tell her. When I told my husband about some of the games that people typically play in North America (i.e. waiting 2 days to call after a date, etc.), he was mystified. The other important thing to do is if you say you’re going to do something (i.e. call her at a certain time), then be sure you do it. Germans take things much more literally than North Americans do and don’t just say things to be polite – if they say something they typically mean it. Best of luck!

  50. Confused April 21, 2016 at 4:26 am - Reply

    This was a great read thanks!

    There is a german guy (with a 10+ year old son) who lives in my bldng. I only know he’s german because I heard him and his buddy speaking the language, but they switched to English when I entered the elevator. Anyways, its’ the weirdest attraction, or maybe not at all? I feel like there is an attraction between us, I can feel it. But maybe it’s just my imagination? I always seem to run into him when he has his son with him, and he always says “hello, how are you?”, I’ve never seen him do that to anyone else in the bldng. He always has this huge smile when we see each other. But the one time it was just the two of us, he said “oh, ugh, Hi”. And continued on to say nothing at all, and I left. The next time he saw me, it seemed like he wanted me to stop and hav ea conversation? Maybe I read it wrong. Anyway, its the most bizarre situation of my life, I can’t read him. Some insight into his culture might help to explain things though.

    • Laurel April 26, 2016 at 9:09 pm - Reply

      @Confused It sounds like he’s interested. From my experience, and from a North American perspective, I find Germans to be awkward initially in romantic situations (very generally speaking of course), and if he’s saying “How are you?” he’s 1) very culturally aware or 2) actually interested. Germans don’t ask this question unless they really want to know. Best of luck. Let me know how it turns out.

  51. Michelle May 18, 2016 at 3:00 am - Reply

    wow I’m glad to stumble upon this read! I currently talking to a German guy, you’re absolutely right about them being ON TIME for a date! He showed up ten minutes early, and I ran late 10 min (I’m hardly late) and then he’s so freaking honest and forward (in a polite manner) to me. He makes every effort to FaceTime me because he’s dealing with VISA BS at the moment where they’ve denied his re-entry into the US. He’s trusting in me, by letting me house sit at his apt, after one date. He doesn’t push me to answer his questions, if I don’t want to answer, he just moves onto the next thing. It’s my first time dating a true German and so far I can’t wait if this blossoms into something more serious and romantic but I can’t wait to find out 🙂

    • Laurel May 19, 2016 at 10:43 am - Reply

      @Michelle – Glad to hear that you’re having such a great experience with a German guy, keep me posted on how it works out 🙂

  52. Chloe December 12, 2016 at 2:23 am - Reply

    Your post is very interesting and informative, thank you! I need some insights/help please.

    I have been talking to a German guy for almost two months and we finally went out. Things were going very well and we met every week consistently for three weeks and he expressed his interest for me throughout. He also actively texted me his location when he was traveling out of town for work. However we are not big fan of texting so we don’t exchange texts every other minute but would text everyday just to say our greetings. I like him a lot as he is always genuine and kind. But after the third date (after he tried to crack a really dry joke to inform me that he is back in town and I replied with sarcasm because he unknowingly offended me), he stopped texting me actively.

    So I decided to text him first for the first time to ask when he wanted to hang out again. He gave me a smiley when he received my text but told me he was busy over the weekend. He did explain in detail (who bothers to explain in detail if they are not interested?) what exactly he was busy with eg “so sorry *inserts my name, I needed the whole day to clean up my room and do etc”, I found his replies to be sincere but however not sure if that is because he was just being polite in rejection because he did not exactly replied to my question about when he was free to hang out again. The female hormonal side of me also thinks that something is wrong since he doesn’t text his goodnights to me anymore haha!
    I would really appreciate any form of insights from fellow readers. Thank you!

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