German will probably never be known as “Die Sprache der Liebe,” “The language of love.” German men will likely never flirt with you as an Italian would, or shower you with romance as the French would. German romance is more subtle. It’s like an onion, exposing itself one layer at a time instead of all at once, but no less flavorful.
In my 20s I would have considered it boring, in my 30s it became sexy.
So just what does romance in Germany look like?:
When a guy says he’ll call, he’ll call – If he likes you, he may even call the next day. Germans have rules for almost everything, but apparently waiting 2 days to call so that he doesn’t appear desperate is not one of them. But be forewarned, he’ll call because he promised he would, not necessarily because he likes you. He may simply be calling you to inform you that he doesn’t like you, and doesn’t want to see you again, but is calling because he promised he would. (This has happened to dozens of friends of mine.)
He Will Be On Time – Germans are sticklers for being on time, so if you agree to meet at a restaurant at 8:00, he will be there waiting at 7:59 and not keep you waiting. On the flip side, he expects the same of you, so don’t keep him waiting either. There’s no playing “will he show, or not show” games in Germany, which is a relief for anyone who has ever been stood up desperately trying to convince the waiter that your date is simply running an hour late.
He Will Be Honest – If a German guy says something, chances are you can believe him. When he says “I love you,” he most likely means it. When he says he sees a future with you he means it. On the other hand if things aren’t going in the right direction, he will also be brutally honest about why he is ending it. None of this “It’s not you, it’s me,” or “I’m just so busy with work right now that I don’t have time for a relationship.” For better or for worse, you will know where you stand with your German guy. He will also be honest about whether he likes the gift you’ve just bought for him. Guys you will want to check out these gifts for women from redENVELOPE for some romantic gift ideas.
He Will Plan Dates in Advance - No more waiting until Thursday night to see if he’s going to call and ask you out for Friday night. Most German men would never dream of asking a girl out with only one day advance notice. He will ask at least several days in advance, assuming that you also have your life planned out in advance like he does.
He Will Want to Go on Vacation Together – Most Germans love to travel and have a lot of holidays compared to North Americans. If he likes you, he will want to include you in those travel plans and may even do all the research and pre-trip planning as well. Having a German guy = lots of fun, romantic vacations together – see 4 Reasons to Turn a Holiday Romance into the Real Thing and 5 Tips for Keeping a Holiday Romance Going Strong. Just be prepared to pay your share. Many German guys are all about going “Dutch” or “German” as it should be called in Germany. In fairness to them, this is because many German girls are also about going “German” so they’ve used to this. Besides he’s probably putting the money he saved for your half of the trip away for your future together, or his future with someone else as the case may be.
He Will Help You Navigate Through German Bureaucracy - This doesn’t sound very romantic, but anyone who has ever tried to get a work/marriage visa, insurance, or file taxes in Germany knows how utterly frustrating it can be and will be eternally grateful for all of the countless phone calls and visits to the Ausländerbehörde (Foreigner Office) made on your behalf.
He Will Open Up - Many foreigners find Germans cold at first. Germans prefer to think of themselves as reserved. Regardless, once you get to know a German man you will see his warmer, funnier side (yes Germans can be funny) that he doesn’t show to just anyone.
Have you been swept off your feet yet? No? Just wait a while, German men take some time to grow on you. Like when my then fiance came home for lunch for the first time in 12 years, because he missed me and thought I might be lonely, or how he stayed 14 hours straight at the hospital when I had knee surgery, or how he took me to castles every weekend when I didn’t have any friends when I first moved to Germany, or how he moved to Munich since he thought it would be easier for me to settle in….you get the picture. That’s why I married him.
Note: We were one of the couples featured in the Telegraph’s Will you be my expat valentine?
This post has been submitted as part of the German Blogger Stamtisch. This month’s theme “misconceptions” was chosen by Sabrina at Country Skipper. See more posts on misconceptions at:
Ummm I didn’t realize how German I really was until I read this post! I thought I was definitely more Italian, nope definitely German!!!
Andi of My Beautiful Adventures recently posted..Chicago: Day 5
@Andi – Haha, well the not playing games thing, does make relationships more straight forward. I was sooooo not German before I met my husband but have since adapted rather nicely.
Great insight. I have German ancestry- way back- but perhaps that is where my need to be on time (ok a bit early) comes from. And as my hubby will tell you, when we met I was very upfront about what I was looking for. I shared my list with him- girlfriends thought I was nuts. But in my 30s I needed that German clarity!
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I just love your take on us Germans.Having spent far more time abroad than in Germany I have little German romances to look back upon. Now I wonder if that is good or bad. Maybe I could try my luck with a young at heart old age pensioner in Germany? On second thoughts…..no, I’ll still go for the Saudi prince of my dreams.
inka recently posted..One moment in time – in travel pictures. My tribute to Whitney Houston
@Sue – It sounds like your German-ness has followed you to Canada. I think getting clarity when you’re in your 30s is a good thing. I did the same thing when I first met J.P. I think most guys would have gone running, but he appreciated that I didn’t want to start anything when we were over 8000km apart if we had different ideas of what we both wanted.
@Inka – The Saudi prince sounds more like your style
Very convincing and highly entertaining plea for the lovable Germans. I enjoyed it:)
Italian Notes recently posted..Torta meringata di limone
And now I’m wondering how many folks have hung out at Köln’s Hohenzollernbrücke today …
Thanks for your post, Laurel!
fotoeins | Henry recently posted..Love stories in Cologne
Sounds like you found a great one
Love your perspective on us Germans! Love the whole “he’ll call when he says he’ll call” thing. I was soooo confused when I first moved to Texas and people (men, women, anybody!) would keep talking about calling me and I didn’t even have a phone… sigh, that’s before I found out that really it means “bye” when somebody says they’ll call you 90% of the time 
Haha! You just made me realize how German I am despite having been gone for a while now.
Sabrina recently posted..Everything is Bigger in Texas – Even Valentine’s Day
@Italian Notes – Thanks, glad I convinced you
@Henry – Good question, given that Valentines Day is not super popular in Germany.
@Sabrina – I love hearing your German perspective now that you’re living in the U.S. I had a German friend in Canada and it took her a while to realize that when people say “I’ll call you” they may/or may not mean it. I like the German way for this much better, way less confusing and I think I’ll keep J.P.
The whole package actually sounds pretty good! I don’t have much stereotypes about German guys actually, other than I *probably* wouldn’t think of German as a sexy language. And even then, what do I know?!
One thing that surprised me when I was traveling last winter, is that a lot of German seemed to travel as two couples, i.e. two guys and two girls.
Zhu recently posted..Winterlude 2012 in Ottawa
Laurel, excellent perspective of german guys! I am so glad with my german boyfriend, I feel protected and safe, because he means what he speaks… so hard to find in Brazilian men…! thank you for sharing your point of view and give me more basis to my feelings! I lived it! Cheers!
I could have a lot of issues here. If a guy call I assume it`s because he likes me. Will he promise to call even if he doesn`t like you?
Ayngelina recently posted..Looking for love in all the wrong places
A guy that plans (!! Turns head, that is amazing.)
A guy that is honest (!!! O_O a little scared but better than someone who does not speak the truth and do not open up at all)
A guy that will want to go on vacation together (!!!!! wow that is nice, means he does think about the relationship)
I can totally see why you married your hubby ^^
I hope I have chances to meet some German guys in the future XDDD hahaha ~
Annie – FootTracker recently posted..Chinese New Year Festival @San Francisco
I have to concur with all that you’ve said – my German partner is thoughtful, funny & absolutely honest, and now I wouldn’t have it any other way.
He brought flowers every week when we were dating (& still makes sure there are flowers in the house), spoils me on birthdays, christmas & valentines and is happy to “invite” me for meals when he knows it’s a while before my payday!
We’ve just found out that we’re moving from the UK to Stuttgart (he’s just been offered a job there) so any hints & tips you can give me on Stuttgart life would be much appreciated – anything from language school to where the best places to shop, eat etc. are – we visited at the weekend & although it was freezing it seemed like a nice city.
I like the upfront honesty you ascribe to German men rather than the juvenile gamesmanship of some other cultures. I was told that a man can ‘tell’ you he loves you all he wants, but the ones who ‘show’ you through the little things that build a life together are worth their weight in gold. Nice story in the Telegraph – Happy Valentine’s Day!
[email protected] recently posted..Versatile? I’d Like to Think So
The thing about guys not paying for girls kinda bugs me — I mean where’s the incentive for the girl if he’s never going to pick up the tab and show he’s really into her? And it’s definitely a common thing over here — although I think some Americans have started picking up on that as well.
My German Latin lover (inside joke from a stupid dating show on MTV where the girl referred to a French guy as a Latin lover — cause it’s totally close to the same thing, right?) certainly has a more romantic flair than I do at times. And he’s more sentimental. I think that any girl who ends up with a German guy is lucky, because they can often be very giving and aware of your needs. Of course my guy lived in the US for his formidable teen years, so perhaps that doesn’t count
Tiffany @ No Ordinary Homestead recently posted..Creamy Sausage & Potato Soup
This is totally my kind of romance! On time? Does what he says? Plans things in advance? That kind of stuff is amazing.
Christy @ Technosyncratic recently posted..Adventures in Thai Massage
I didn’t date so much in Germany, so I have no clue how close the German women fall to this. I assume there is some similarity. At least an interesting read.
Though when I go out to the bars with friends and do our normal people watching, it is often hard to tell the couples. Germans seem to socialize in larger groups.
Andrew recently posted..Are Germans Any Fun?
I clearly need to relocate to Germany. I do a lot of the above and it’s just not appreciated by Aussie girls. The rules are very much ingrained here. It’s too fast and loose, haha.
That and, let’s face it, German girls are gorgeous.
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During my two years in Germany, I only dated one german man – a guy who was funny, a planner and took me to probably one of the most unexpected first dates (at that time, that is, while being a student). He picked me up in his car without telling me where we were going) and so we ended up in a neighboring town having a very regional dinner with wine in an old watermill, overlooking a beautiful bridge.
I was seriously impressed as I thought it was overly romantic!
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I think its hilarious how Americans say that Germans are cold and closed off all the time because we aren’t. We just aren’t fake. I hear it almost every day at work. Most people don’t realize I’m German when they first meet me because my dad is American, I have no accent in English, so I hear the gripes and complaints.
I definitely had culture shock in the states with the super friendliness, fake friendliness at that. I never really know what to say so people think I’m the weird one LOL I’ve had people tell me their life stories after knowing them 5 minutes and I find it awkward and uncomfortable. I honestly have no idea how to respond because I don’t know them.
As a rule in Germany, once you break the ice, everything is fine. And if you have no clue what to talk about with someone to get rid of that awkward silence, you can never go wrong with the weather. Germans LOVE talking weather, weird but true. We love to talk but until we know someone, we won’t be telling a person about our latest gynecology appointment in line at the grocery store (true story -.-)
@Zhu – I’ve live in Germany and still don’t find the German language sexy. Traveling in couples or with friends is popular in Germany. J.P.’s friends will often travel in a large group of couples with children in tow. It looks like a lot of fun.
@Andreza – Glad to hear that you’ve found happiness with a German guy. The honesty took me a while to get used to, but now that I’m used to it, I would find it difficult to be with someone more indirect.
@Ayngelina – Maybe, if he really doesn’t like you, he won’t bother to say that he’ll call, but if he’s not sure, he’ll say he’ll call you, think it over and then deliver the verdict.
@Annie – I know right? Come to Germany and I’ll introduce you to a few guys
@Jo – sounds like you’ve found a great one and I love the flowers, my hubby is good at doing that too. Too funny that your guy also says that he’ll “invite” you, J.P. still says that too, even though we’re married. Best of luck with your move to Stuttgart, I really enjoyed the Expat Dinner Club (you can find it on Facebook), there’s also an Internations chapter and I attended IFA language school, which is tough,but thorough.
@Linda – I agree, actions speak louder than words and mean more. Thanks for your kind words about our Telegraph story.
@Tiffany – I found the paying thing confusing at first and slightly annoying as well. I agree that German guys can be very giving. I wish J.P. had lived in Canada or the U.S. before we went, but he’s slowly adopting some Canadian traits.
@Christy – Agreed, it would have been boring when I was 20, but in my 30s this is the kind of stuff that I like.
@Andrew – I would assume there’s a lot of similarity for German women as well, but I haven’t dated any German women either.
@Chris – Yes, move to Germany, where you will be appreciated by the women – as long as you don’t mind if they make plans in advance
@Katherina – That is incredibly romantic, especially for a first date! Most Germans I know are more pragmatic on a first date, preferring to meet for coffee or a drink.
@Jessica – I admit that I was one of those people who thought Germans were cold at first as well – until I understood the reason why Germans are like that. To be honest I hadn’t considered being friendly “fake” until I moved to Germany and heard the German perspective. I agree that many North Americans overshare, especially when they don’t know someone very well. My husband has accused me of this as well in Germany, even when I think I’m being conservative with what I say. Germans are also more comfortable with silence than North Americans are – something that I admire.
In a way it’s sad that they may call just to say they don’t like you but I think that’s better than leaving a girl hanging. German specific or not I have to agree that the qualities you list are good to have.
I loved reading this. Finding bloggers in Germany that are not German is a hobby of mine! My favorite part of your blog was that German men will call you, maybe if just to tell you they don’t like you, because they said they would. German rules! Just recently I asked my German friends for a secret copy of the book I know must exist, The Very Official and Lengthy Book of German Rules. I imagine it’s 3000 pages long and I want a copy, primarily so I can check off the rules I break daily. Thanks for the blog!
Heather recently posted..When In DC….
LOL! This is a very funny, but a very accurate description of German men
Great post!
Masha (2away) recently posted..Someday we’ll own a Schrebergarten
When you put it like that it makes German guys sounds pretty attractive to my German ears
you guys sounds like a great couple btw. Congratulations on having found each other!
Mariella recently posted..Being German and the Issue of Patriotism
@Mariella – Yeah, I think I’m going to keep mine. We definitely have our cultural differences, but most days I feel pretty lucky