Experiencing loneliness when living abroad? You’re not alone. Many ex-pats struggle with meeting new friends and experiencing the ex-pat blues until they do.
Living abroad is an amazing experience, but it also comes with its challenges too, including loneliness. I get several emails a week from ex-pats who share their struggles with me about how lonely they are. Sometimes they’re asking for advice. Other times, they just need to share their stories. There are some things you can do if you’re feeling lonely when living abroad.
Having lived abroad four times – first in S. Korea, then in Thailand (2 different cities), U.S.A. and now Germany (2 different cities) I get it. Feeling lonely is one of the biggest challenges you have when you move to a new city, let alone a foreign country.
I’ve experimented over the years and have found a few different things that have helped me to meet friends and feel less lonely while living in a foreign country so I’m sharing them with you in hopes that they’ll help you too!
#1 Tip for Dealing with Loneliness when Living Abroad: Join a Group/Club/Team
I’m a big fan of groups and clubs since they bring people together with common interests. In Bangkok, I belonged to a rugby team, even though I had never played before. It was a great way to connect with other ex-pats. I found that having a social circle helps lessen the feeling of being alone.
In S. Korea I joined a local gym. In Munich, I joined two hiking clubs, a book club, and a badminton group, found several groups for ex-pats and have regular meetings with fellow entrepreneurs.
Being an active member of a group is an excellent way to meet people. You’ll see the same people on a regular basis. This increases your chance of developing close friendships when living abroad. It also goes a long way in banishing your feelings of loneliness.
It’s important to join groups around activities that you’re generally interested in so that you’ll meet like-minded people And even better passionate about, something that drives you – it’s a potent combination to beat those ex-pat blues.
If you’re only mildly interested in reading, then being part of a book club is going to quickly begin to feel more like a chore, rather than something you look forward to.
What if there is no group/club/team of interest?
Create one through Meetup.com or Facebook Groups. It just takes a few minutes and is free to do. You can create a group for whatever your interests. Whether it be around cultural events, hiking in the Alps, sporting events, bringing coffee lovers together, or finding other entrepreneurs to co-work with at cute cafes.
Chances are if you’re interested in a topic, you’re not the only one. Other people will be interested too. If there’s something you miss from home, like Thanksgiving, or a game or food that’s popular in your country, chances are other ex-pats do too.
Alternatively, you can join an online group. I do think it’s better to connect with people in your area if possible though.
There are online book clubs and groups for almost every activity under the sun. I’m a member of a couple of travel blogging groups. The fellow travel bloggers I have “met” through these groups have provided me with a sense of connection.
These connections have been especially helpful on days when I’m feeling particularly lonely or having a challenging time.
Related Reading: Adventure Travel Insurance: Why You Need It
2. Connect with Other Expats Through Blogs/Expat Facebook Groups When You Feel Lonely
There’s no shortage of ex-pat blogs and Facebook groups devoted to ex-pats living in the same location. By reading through a few posts, it should become fairly clear to you whether you have anything in common with that person.
If you find that you relate to someone, contact them to see if they’re interested in meeting. I met a good friend in Munich this way and was grateful that she reached out. In a Facebook group, you may find that there’s already an established event that you can attend.
Related Reading: How to Celebrate Christmas When Living Abroad
3. Make the First Move to Cope with Loneliness
Having lived in Calgary for the last nine years, I had gotten lazy without realizing it. I already had an established circle of friends. And I made no efforts to find new ones. After moving to Stuttgart, it soon became apparent that invitations wouldn’t be rolling in. OK, non-existent.
I knew that I would have to make the first move. Despite being out of my comfort zone, I started by initiating a once-a-week lunch after German class with my classmates. It was nice to get to know them better outside of class.
I started extending invitations to people I had met through various events. Before long I was organizing day trips to explore the region with a couple of girls. We became friends in the process. Although none of us are in Stuttgart any longer, we’re still in touch.
I held a Christmas party that ended up having people from 6 different nationalities. In Munich, whenever I find an interesting event, like a great hike, I invite someone to attend with me.
It doesn’t always work out. Sometimes it’s a flashback to dating. Some encounters will be awkward. You will have to deal with rejection which sucks.
But like dating, making new friends is a numbers game. The more invites you to give, the more they are likely to be accepted. You’re also likely to receive more in return.
Related Reading: Hike the Last 100 km of the Camino & Meet People
4. Take a Class to Help Cope with Loneliness
Language classes are good for meeting other ex-pats. They’re also useful for trying to learn a language. Exercise classes are good for meeting locals. I’ve done both. It’s important to me that I have both ex-pat and German friends.
Don’t let the language scare you off of an exercise class. I’ve done a variety of classes in German. While I haven’t understood every word, a lot of communication is visual.
You just do what the instructor is doing. I’ve also found my classmates to be extremely helpful once they realize I don’t understand everything. By joining a class you’re bound to meet like-minded people.
So if you love hiking in winter, then consider taking an avalanche training course. Not only will you meet people with similar interests, but it could save your life.
Related Reading: Hiking for Beginners: How to Choose the Perfect Trail
5. Set Social Goals for Yourself to Cope with Loneliness
I find that setting goals for myself are incredibly helpful when living abroad. Some of my goals have included things like: inviting one new person a week to something (make the first move), signing up for a yoga class (in German), and signing up for an activity at least once a week.
It sounds silly, but setting goals for yourself, it’s a good check to see how proactive you’re being. I’ve found when I’m feeling lonely that I often haven’t done anything about it recently. Having measurable goals is a good kick in the pants.
Related Reading: 20 Best Hikes in Europe with Incredible Views
6. Don’t Call Home Too Often When You’re Feeling Lonely
This might seem like strange advice. But from my observations, ex-pats who spend a couple of hours a day talking with family and close friends from home seem lonelier than those who spend less time connecting with people from home.
Don’t get me wrong; it’s imperative to maintain those connections from home. But if you’re spending 2 hours a day doing it, then you’re not out meeting new people. You’ll never truly feel settled in your new country. It’s a delicate balance.
7. Get a Different Perspective by Taking a Guided Tour
Sometimes you need to get out of town for a fresh perspective on where you’re currently living, especially if it’s around the holidays, say Christmas and everyone you know has plans – except for you.
Consider doing a group guided tour, like our Dana to Petra Hiking Tour in Jordan. We offer it multiple times a year, including over the Christmas break.
That way, you’ll meet new people, have a fun adventure to look forward to instead of dreading the holidays, and get to travel to a new place.
8. Hit the Hiking Trails
The combination of fresh air, being in nature, and exercise is the ultimate concoction to lift your spirits. In fact, doctors in Scotland are giving nature prescriptions to help with all sorts of ailments including depression and anxiety. See How Hiking Makes You Happier for an exercise to elevate your hike even more.
You can either go with a group or go by yourself and revel in the adventure of exploring outside your city. Taking time for yourself will help you feel better so that when you do meet new people, you’ll be so positive that everyone will want to be around you. You may find yourself with more invitations than you can handle from all your new friends.
These tips have helped me beat loneliness when living abroad and I hope that they’ll serve you as well. You’ve got this!
Thank you for the great post, Laurel!:)
I am currently living in the Czech Republic, and I do feel lonely. I don’t speak Czech and I feel like Czech people are cold, and sometimes rude, not only to foreigners but also to other Czech people (I hope if there is any Czech read this, he/ she can say that I am wrong ;p)
Today I signed up for Czech lesson, and hopefully things will get better after I know the language.
Cheers to you all who are also struggling with the life abroad 😉
@Lis – Living abroad is an adjustment. I can’t speak for Czech people as I’ve only been to the Czech Republic once, but if I had to sum up the difference between Germans and Canadians in one sentence it would be “Germans value honesty, Canadians value friendliness.” We can interpret their behaviour as cold or rude, while they interpret ours as fake and insincere. Once I got this, I understood why Germans in general weren’t friendly – it’s not something that they value. Perhaps the same is true for Czech people. I definitely think learning the language makes a huge difference, it gives you more confidence in day to day life and widens your circle of friends. Best of luck!
Hi Laurel,
Thanks for this post. At the moment I am planning to relocate, so you gave me a hope of not being lonely abroad 😀
@Marius – Best of luck! I think it’s only natural to get lonely at times when you live abroad, but it’s also a good opportunity to push yourself out of your comfort zone and make new friends. Best of luck!
pushing yourself out of comfort zone.. Well said
I’m having a week of homesickness, and these tips are just what I needed!
It’s strange; I’ve moved a few times now, I don’t know why it’s affecting me so acutely this week.
I guess keeping positive and throwing myself into new challenges/going to more expat things is the way forward!
Good luck to everyone
@Alex – So glad they helped. I have up and down weeks too, even 3 years later. Hope you’re feeling better now.
This is great advice and good sharing! One aspect of living abroad that should not be underestimated is culture shock. Your expat friends on-line or in person can be a crucial resource during your transition into a new culture. Even when you are fluent in a new language and are interacting with the local people daily, you will find that you cannot connect with them on a deep level and they cannot understand your different point of view. Don’t get too discouraged, but keep trying. In time, you develop the ability to connect more deeply. After 28 years in Japan, I now have strong friendships and deep conversation with both the old and the young here. A lot of ex-pats in Japan become writers–another way to connect deeply with others, when local conversation is too shallow.
@Pat – Thanks Pat. Good point and excellent advice. 28 years in Japan is a long time, sounds like you’ve adapted very well.
There is a caveat to joining clubs abroad. When I moved to Japan I took a friend’s advice that joining a club would force me to talk, making my Japanese language skills much better through practice. In reality my language skills weren’t up to the challenge yet. Sometimes joining a club when you cannot speak or understand the casual conversation around you can make you feel more isolated, not less.
I guess this wouldn’t apply to a language club; I wish I had thought of that instead of taking private lessons.
@Tanya – Thanks for sharing your comments and for bringing up a good point. I was I was mainly referring to clubs where English is the main language, since you’re right, language barriers can make you feel like even more of an outsider. I do belong to a couple of clubs where German is the main language and although my German is far from perfect, it’s good enough that I can understand most of what’s being said.
Thank you for sharing this online laurel.. I have been in Germany now for nearly two years.. I do not speak german only a very few words, not for want of trying to learn it..I moved here because i meet my new partner on line and feel in love… I have my children with me but as much as i love them with all my heart i’m still lonely here. I haven’t been able to make any friends at all even tho i have tried again and again.. My parner works and my kids are at school all morning which leaves me on my own till they come home… My kids seem happier here.. My oldest has made friends and has more freedom here.. Where in England she had nothing but bullying… Same for my boys…. Although my boys are 9 years old the play on the computer more these days then wanting to keep me company (not that i blame them 🙂 ..) I’m unable to take german classes as i can’t afford them… Yes i have asked my partner to teach me as he use to be a teacher… But he is so tired when he comes home from work… The kids sometimes like to help but get bored as i’m such a slow learner…. I have tried to talk to the other mothers at the boys school but they look at me in dicussed and said a few words i wish not to repeat… I only smiled and said hello… My partner has his friends and all are lovely but are alot older the i am. As my partner is 20 years older then me…. I would talk to my family back home but they have never called me here as they say it cost to much…i call them but stopped as it felt like they don’t wish to really talk to me… This lonelyness is killing me… I know i need to find something to help but i never found much to do here…
@Marie – So sorry to hear that you’re struggling. Here is a list of free online resources to learn German: https://www.bbc.co.uk/languages/german/, . I also found children’s books helpful in the beginning and had a library card which is really cheap. I really struggled to learn German as well and am still not fluent, but it does get easier.
Re: friends, I use Skype, since most of my friends back in Canada aren’t on Skype, I have the pay-as you-go option which costs a few cents per minute – much cheaper than international rates and usually a one hour call costs me $1.80.
I also think it’s important to find local friends as well though. Have you tried Toytown for a list of events?
I’m sending you positive vibes and hope things will get easier for you. Hang in there and let me know how you’re doing.
Thank you so much for your shared advice, Laurel! Everything you mentioned is so true! I went through the same situation when travelling and working abroad. I struggled for a while with the fears of being lonely and the unknown. When I moved for working abroad the first time, I was faced to my fear. I felt very lonely at the beginning – even if I had the opportunity to talk on Skype with my family and friends. I was looking up some advice on the Internet how other people overcame this situation too and ended up addressing my issues to an online life coach (I can recommend Your24hCoach) to get me some help and tips. I got a lot of very good and interesting advice and above all interesting insights in subjects of communications skills. The main message was to do anything surrounding you with people and communicating with them, for example a cooking course. I can recommend you to move in a shared accommodation whit people sharing a similar background like you do. So you have already a basis of relationships on which you can build on. It really helped me to develop my own personality and the ability to communicate with other people. I highly recommend for everyone to go abroad at least once! Just do it – it makes you stronger!
@Penny – Thanks so much for sharing your experience and for your advice. I agree, everyone should live abroad at least once in their lives. We’re stronger than we think we are.