Experiencing loneliness when living abroad? You’re not alone. Many ex-pats struggle with meeting new friends and experiencing the ex-pat blues until they do.
Living abroad is an amazing experience, but it also comes with its challenges too, including loneliness. I get several emails a week from ex-pats who share their struggles with me about how lonely they are. Sometimes they’re asking for advice. Other times, they just need to share their stories. There are some things you can do if you’re feeling lonely when living abroad.
Having lived abroad four times – first in S. Korea, then in Thailand (2 different cities), U.S.A. and now Germany (2 different cities) I get it. Feeling lonely is one of the biggest challenges you have when you move to a new city, let alone a foreign country.
I’ve experimented over the years and have found a few different things that have helped me to meet friends and feel less lonely while living in a foreign country so I’m sharing them with you in hopes that they’ll help you too!
#1 Tip for Dealing with Loneliness when Living Abroad: Join a Group/Club/Team
I’m a big fan of groups and clubs since they bring people together with common interests. In Bangkok, I belonged to a rugby team, even though I had never played before. It was a great way to connect with other ex-pats. I found that having a social circle helps lessen the feeling of being alone.
In S. Korea I joined a local gym. In Munich, I joined two hiking clubs, a book club, and a badminton group, found several groups for ex-pats and have regular meetings with fellow entrepreneurs.
Being an active member of a group is an excellent way to meet people. You’ll see the same people on a regular basis. This increases your chance of developing close friendships when living abroad. It also goes a long way in banishing your feelings of loneliness.
It’s important to join groups around activities that you’re generally interested in so that you’ll meet like-minded people And even better passionate about, something that drives you – it’s a potent combination to beat those ex-pat blues.
If you’re only mildly interested in reading, then being part of a book club is going to quickly begin to feel more like a chore, rather than something you look forward to.
What if there is no group/club/team of interest?
Create one through Meetup.com or Facebook Groups. It just takes a few minutes and is free to do. You can create a group for whatever your interests. Whether it be around cultural events, hiking in the Alps, sporting events, bringing coffee lovers together, or finding other entrepreneurs to co-work with at cute cafes.
Chances are if you’re interested in a topic, you’re not the only one. Other people will be interested too. If there’s something you miss from home, like Thanksgiving, or a game or food that’s popular in your country, chances are other ex-pats do too.
Alternatively, you can join an online group. I do think it’s better to connect with people in your area if possible though.
There are online book clubs and groups for almost every activity under the sun. I’m a member of a couple of travel blogging groups. The fellow travel bloggers I have “met” through these groups have provided me with a sense of connection.
These connections have been especially helpful on days when I’m feeling particularly lonely or having a challenging time.
Related Reading: Adventure Travel Insurance: Why You Need It
2. Connect with Other Expats Through Blogs/Expat Facebook Groups When You Feel Lonely
There’s no shortage of ex-pat blogs and Facebook groups devoted to ex-pats living in the same location. By reading through a few posts, it should become fairly clear to you whether you have anything in common with that person.
If you find that you relate to someone, contact them to see if they’re interested in meeting. I met a good friend in Munich this way and was grateful that she reached out. In a Facebook group, you may find that there’s already an established event that you can attend.
Related Reading: How to Celebrate Christmas When Living Abroad
3. Make the First Move to Cope with Loneliness
Having lived in Calgary for the last nine years, I had gotten lazy without realizing it. I already had an established circle of friends. And I made no efforts to find new ones. After moving to Stuttgart, it soon became apparent that invitations wouldn’t be rolling in. OK, non-existent.
I knew that I would have to make the first move. Despite being out of my comfort zone, I started by initiating a once-a-week lunch after German class with my classmates. It was nice to get to know them better outside of class.
I started extending invitations to people I had met through various events. Before long I was organizing day trips to explore the region with a couple of girls. We became friends in the process. Although none of us are in Stuttgart any longer, we’re still in touch.
I held a Christmas party that ended up having people from 6 different nationalities. In Munich, whenever I find an interesting event, like a great hike, I invite someone to attend with me.
It doesn’t always work out. Sometimes it’s a flashback to dating. Some encounters will be awkward. You will have to deal with rejection which sucks.
But like dating, making new friends is a numbers game. The more invites you to give, the more they are likely to be accepted. You’re also likely to receive more in return.
Related Reading: Hike the Last 100 km of the Camino & Meet People
4. Take a Class to Help Cope with Loneliness
Language classes are good for meeting other ex-pats. They’re also useful for trying to learn a language. Exercise classes are good for meeting locals. I’ve done both. It’s important to me that I have both ex-pat and German friends.
Don’t let the language scare you off of an exercise class. I’ve done a variety of classes in German. While I haven’t understood every word, a lot of communication is visual.
You just do what the instructor is doing. I’ve also found my classmates to be extremely helpful once they realize I don’t understand everything. By joining a class you’re bound to meet like-minded people.
So if you love hiking in winter, then consider taking an avalanche training course. Not only will you meet people with similar interests, but it could save your life.
Related Reading: Hiking for Beginners: How to Choose the Perfect Trail
5. Set Social Goals for Yourself to Cope with Loneliness
I find that setting goals for myself are incredibly helpful when living abroad. Some of my goals have included things like: inviting one new person a week to something (make the first move), signing up for a yoga class (in German), and signing up for an activity at least once a week.
It sounds silly, but setting goals for yourself, it’s a good check to see how proactive you’re being. I’ve found when I’m feeling lonely that I often haven’t done anything about it recently. Having measurable goals is a good kick in the pants.
Related Reading: 20 Best Hikes in Europe with Incredible Views
6. Don’t Call Home Too Often When You’re Feeling Lonely
This might seem like strange advice. But from my observations, ex-pats who spend a couple of hours a day talking with family and close friends from home seem lonelier than those who spend less time connecting with people from home.
Don’t get me wrong; it’s imperative to maintain those connections from home. But if you’re spending 2 hours a day doing it, then you’re not out meeting new people. You’ll never truly feel settled in your new country. It’s a delicate balance.
7. Get a Different Perspective by Taking a Guided Tour
Sometimes you need to get out of town for a fresh perspective on where you’re currently living, especially if it’s around the holidays, say Christmas and everyone you know has plans – except for you.
Consider doing a group guided tour, like our Dana to Petra Hiking Tour in Jordan. We offer it multiple times a year, including over the Christmas break.
That way, you’ll meet new people, have a fun adventure to look forward to instead of dreading the holidays, and get to travel to a new place.
8. Hit the Hiking Trails
The combination of fresh air, being in nature, and exercise is the ultimate concoction to lift your spirits. In fact, doctors in Scotland are giving nature prescriptions to help with all sorts of ailments including depression and anxiety. See How Hiking Makes You Happier for an exercise to elevate your hike even more.
You can either go with a group or go by yourself and revel in the adventure of exploring outside your city. Taking time for yourself will help you feel better so that when you do meet new people, you’ll be so positive that everyone will want to be around you. You may find yourself with more invitations than you can handle from all your new friends.
These tips have helped me beat loneliness when living abroad and I hope that they’ll serve you as well. You’ve got this!
Loneliness can kill you inside! Thank you very much for these wonderful advices.
I’m not really the typ doing and enjoy doing a lot alone. I reserve me some time alone from time to time of course like at home reading a book, surffing in the internet or whatever. But going out and visiting any places I prefer doing with someone else. Therefore when I moved to leave all my friends at home the first days, weeks, even months were really hard. Sometimes it isn’t easy to socialize and make new friends. I think it depends a lot on the circumstances.
I started a new job and in my office there weren’t a lot of possibilities to connect therefore a possible source less. So I felt in some way lonely very soon. Especially because i didn’t consider #6 😉 So then I consulted an online coach because I really felt needing help (can recommend Your24hCoach, very good advices).
Finally it was really simple. The first are like a shock of course, all is new and you don’t have persons with a tight bond around you. But it’s true, you just have to leave your comfort zone. One new connection leads you to another one, and so on.
When moving alone i can give you the advice to move in a shared accomodation with mates in similar circumstances like you. Like that you have a first source and basis. Living alone makes it a lot more complicated.
@Alisha – Thank you for sharing your experience. I think loneliness is something most if not all people experience when living abroad, but people don’t talk about it. Great that you sought out a Coach and that it helped. Also great tip about finding shared accommodation.
These are all good ideas, but just to point out, not all of us move to places where we are even able to find language classes or fellow expats. I moved to Brazil with my husband three years ago, and we live in a really small town here with no other expats. I ended up having to learn Portuguese on my own because there were no courses available. I don’t want to seem entirely negative, but my experience of making friends has not been great either. I am used to having a good circle of friends back at home, but here, my attempts have been constantly hindered by bitchiness and superficiality on the part of other women. I really hate to generalise, and so after my initial experiences with this, I did keep trying and being open to making friends. In the end, I found myself feeling so disappointed after being let down time and time again, that I essentially gave up and decided I would just have to be self sufficient. These days, my husband and I do have some friends we go out with, but, tellingly, they are all male (so not really the ‘close companions’ I had hoped for, but a welcome relief, nonetheless.). At home in England, I had plenty of female friends, but I guess the attitude here in that respect is just not for me. Sad, but true.
I do an English club twice a month that is a great group of people to meet and hang out. So many of them are expats and can understand often what I am going through and can offer advice. I have recently joinedthe local couch surfers meetups too. That is another group, although much different dynamics, that usually speaks english and has an interest in travel. When I was back in the US, some of my best friends were met through a weekly gaming group.
So really the club/group aspect is good even if you are NOT an expat and just moving to a new place.
Loneliness does suck! But sometimes you just have to put yourself out there to get the friend ball rolling. Great tips!
This is such good advice and all very true. It’s alot of trial and error, some things will work and some won’t, but above all of this remember that just as the good days pass so do the lonely days, it won’t be this way forever, life always changes. The past week I hit a lonely phase, so I gave in to my feelings and curled up on the sofa, cried as though my insides were going to burst out, watched English movies, drank tea and ate loads of chocolate, it was a good comfort for me. Now I’ve picked myself up, cleaned my apartment, answered emails from friends back home and will get back to doing some artwork, writing a personal blog, reading books, and venturing out to explore another town. It’s tough when you feel lonely in a foreign country, and unfortunately is even tougher when you’re a female alone and have all the added security issues of having to be slightly guarded as to how much information you give out about yourself – catch 22 when trying to make friends. The language barrier is really hard too, everyone learns at different speeds and the locals speak in dialects so striking up conversation isn’t so easy as it would be in your own language, so give yourself a break. You’re not alone and these online blogs are fab to connect with people and realise that actually you’re doing really well. Tomorrow is another day, go into the local tourist office and see if any tours interest you, chat with the tourist rep working in there, you never know, they may become a new friend! Thanks Laurel for posting these top tips.
I’m so glad you posted this! This summer moving to Freiburg to be with Andy was tough. I took a German class but it turned out to be all college students from other countries, not exactly ideal for making friends. I didn’t put enough effort into finding other ways of meeting people but I will definitely take some of this advice when I’m back home from my trip.