You know the words why I really dislike monkeys would never come out of my mouth, but I was curious to hear how Will could NOT like monkeys, so here it is:
Guest post by Will Jackson.
When I came across Laurel’s site Monkeys and Mountains I thought it would be funny to do a guest post to provide a bit of a counterpoint to all the monkey love going on here.
Related Reading: 8 Ways That Travellers Unintentionally Commit Animal Cruelty
You see, I really don’t like monkeys. In fact, I kind of hate them.
Like most people, I used to love monkeys. I mean, why wouldn’t you? They look so cute in the zoos and on TV. With their big eyes and tiny hands, human-like expressions, and adorable antics. They’re just like loveable little kids.
At least, that’s what I thought until I actually met a few.
We don’t have monkeys running wild in Australia. So my first run-in with them was when I was in Taiwan late last year.
I was taking photos of a group of macaques in Taipei’s Tianmu National Park when a few of them snuck up to a few inches behind me and started screaming and baring their teeth. The monkey version of going “boo”, I guess. Scared the crap out of me but I got over it. Hijinks, eh?
My second run-in was in Malaysia when I was camping in Penang National Park at the aptly named Monkey Beach. I looked up from reading a book on the sand and saw one of the residents going through my bag.I jumped up and scared him off. But the little bugger had already got into my rice and curry lunch. The only food I had with me until the next day. As you can probably imagine my annoyance grew with my hunger.
Then during my recent visit to Khao Yai National Park in Thailand the macaques really kicked the harassment up a notch. They tried to rip the mirrors off my scooter.They stole and ripped up a packet of seaweed snacks from my hammock and then, while I was minding my own business drinking a cup of 3-in-1 coffee, one of them climbed up the tree I was sitting under and tried to poo on me. Thankfully I looked up just in time to jump out of the way.
Related Reading: How Seeing Lemurs in the Wild Can Help Save Them.
After that, monkeys and I were done.
You see, I’ve realised that monkeys really are like kids, but not the loveable kind.
They’re like those out-of-control, hyperactive children who never got any discipline growing up. And so feel like they can go around pestering, stealing and harassing people with impunity.
But unlike most children, they’re also pretty keen on using their own feces as a weapon.
I suppose it’s possible that monkeys are not inherently evil. Maybe I’ve just met a few nasty ones and the rest are all really nice. Maybe I shouldn’t tar them all with the same brush?
But just to be on the safe side in the future I’m going to steer well clear of the little shits. And I advise you all to ignore the pro-monkey propaganda on this site and do the same.
About the author: Will Jackson (aka Beardy) is an itinerant Australian journalist. He travels the world in search of good times, adventure and tasty street tucker and writes about it at The Bearded Wanderer.
Laurel’s comment: Even though this is an anti-monkey post, I will grudgingly admit, I enjoyed reading it and loved the humour. But be sure to check out my other posts that celebrate monkeys, like How Seeing Lemurs in the Wild Can Help Save Them, The Best Places to See Monkeys in Central America, My Epic Day of Trekking to See Gorillas and Observing Endangered Samango Monkeys.
I HATE monkeys. Since I hate animal cruelty, I contribute $ to protect them as an endangered species, but I LOATHE monkeys. People shouldn’t be allowed to keep them as pets. They’re obnoxious and so are their owners, who haul them along everywhere so their friends can coo over them too. Except we don’t.
(Ex) friend got a Capuchin. It snatched your stuff, jumped in our plates and pooped everywhere. She took it to a WEDDING (Who in their right mind does that??) It ran along the church pews and warbled while she sat beaming at how precious it was and how grateful the couple must be that she was delighting their guests. The pastor did nothing while the bride’s eyes were full of tears and the groom’s face purpled. Father of the groom went over afterward and dis-invited her from their reception. She got butt-hurt and whined it was her “child” and if her “baby” wasn’t welcome it meant we didn’t love her either. By that time nobody did.
She had it for around 5 years before she dumped it at a sanctuary because she was getting married. As much as I hated the freaking thing, thst was cruel. I hope they don’t have kids.
Thanks for your contribution, even if you don’t like them. Agree that’s very cruel and insane that she took it to a wedding.
Thanks for contributing to endangered species, including primates even if you dislike them. Crazy story about your friend – who takes a monkey to a wedding? I feel sorry for it but sounds like he’d be much better off in a sanctuary.
So you don’t like feeding monkeys bananas with lit firecrackers inside?
Quick question, Can’t the ppl in thailand do more to protect visitors than putting signs up like fining people a tremendous amount and maybe putting something in the food to taint the taste to deter them. Not hurt the animals but something that doesn’t have a smell but horrrible taste like you can buy for animals in the US ie…bitter apple spray etc…so they “learn” that human food taste bad? If tourist started demanding hidden camera and fines or stop visiting these countries they would start doing more. Ive heard the horror stories in bali kuala lumpur and thailand so we refuse to visit these places. It’s a shame
Interesting article! But I still love monkeys, especially orangutans. I saw them in the zoo for a few times and found them extremely smart and humanlike. May be, I just don’t know them enough.
@Lili – Glad to hear it! I also still love monkeys, orangutans are amazing!
But orangutans are not monkeys you know, right? Big difference in monkeys and apes (orangutans are apes). One sure fire way to tell the difference is apes never have tails. All monkeys have tails, even so called “tail-less ones– they just have really short tails that might be hidden in their hair!